cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas
me: you said i got one phone call
So I was laying down in bed with an excruciating headache when my boyfriend offered to make me a sandwich and I was like yeah sure please and then for some reason he got distracted and started to talk about something else and my head was pounding so I said “Cool story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich.” and he just literally looked at me with his mouth open before he finally said “You win this time” and went out to the kitchen
At long last after years of hearing this annoying joke coming from men’s mouths and overpriced shirts I get to say it to a guy.
Here’s a photo of the lil bitch where he belongs.
He is going to kill me when he sees this already has like 40 freaking notes
let’s make this go viral
*whispers* what have I done….
I showed him the notes and he said “oh god i’m gonna be a meme.”
Your boyfriend reminds me of my husband. We’ve been together for 9 1/2 years, married for 7.
You keep him. You keep him and you never let him go.
Apparently my boyfriend is the love child of Anton Chekhov and Harry Styles
The people have spoken
My hand slipped.
The Nice-Guy-McSandwhich-Meme, use it, please:
Here’s your meme
Oh my god I love you guys so much
(Source: its-anselelgort, via bonkersxc)
holy shit this is the best 3D god I’ve ever fucking seen fuck that white line bullshit and learn from this master
(Source: how-bad-can-l-be, via the-absolute-best-posts)
(Source: weibo.com, via thefuuuucomics)
Let’s just talk about Wednesday’s perfect “not giving a fuck” attitude because it’s marvelous.
(Source: this-teenage-girls-blog, via thatfunnyblog)
that it’s not my dick
(Source: sandrabbullock, via thefuuuucomics)
(Source: paralysing-sadness, via tellmethatyoure-terrified-oflife)
I stared at this for a few seconds but once I got it, I chuckled.
#my sediments exactly
Don’t take puns for granite.
These jokes just keep getting boulder.
i don’t know, they’re kind of a lode of schist.
Now, now, there’s no need to get all butte hurt, lets just take a steppe back
Yeah, everyone, be gneiss.
I’m cracking up at this.
Thank you for that earth-shaking contribution.
Don’t mine me, I’m just marbling at the humor.
First of all you can go straight to hell you soulless shred of pocket lint
I was always confused that Cubones hatched with their mom’s skull on like?? did they perform a fatality as their first act on earth? did the mom suddenly die having fulfilled the survival of its progeny? It would have made more sense in game to have a Cubone skull equippable to a juvenile when found in the area one caught said Cubone.
A cubone is a baby Kangaskhan whose mother died. Fact.